A suitable case for delayed ejaculation treatment?
In every case, there needs to be exploration of the possible biological, psychological, and genetic reasons why a man might be experiencing difficulty in reaching orgasm in a timely way during intercourse. If part of the problem is that a man is in getting too little stimulation during lovemaking, then it’s possible to use additional “artificial” stimulation of his sensory and erogenous zones to increase his arousal.
This might include nipple stimulation, anal stimulation, or the use of a vibrator, which might be applied on the perineum, the base of the penile shaft, or other sensitive areas. Some men find these approaches to be very helpful in speeding up their “arrival” at orgasm.
Video – overcoming delayed ejaculation
Other problems with delayed ejaculation
Furthermore, any medication which might be interfering with the man’s sexual responses should be stopped, or an alternative prescription found. Many prescriptions medications can delay ejaculation.
One of the interesting aspects about treating this condition is that obviously by the time a man and his partner come for treatment, he may be extremely frustrated with his own progress, and this impatience can sometimes act against the successful outcome of delayed ejaculation treatment.
If this applies to you, it’s important to realize that the benefits you might get in the longer term will far outweigh the inconvenience now (in the sense that you think you’re “doing nothing” during treatment that goes slowly or takes a long time).
And because anxiety and obsessive-compulsive characteristics are major aspects of delayed ejaculation, either in the sense that they can create the problem, or they can compound it, then clearly using any kind of technique that reduces anxiety will be a significant part of therapy for the delayed nature of ejaculation. In essence these are cognitive-behavioral techniques.
Behavior Therapy For Delayed Ejaculation
Therapists often start with mindfulness and breathing techniques which will increase a sense of self-awareness and induce progressive relaxation.
Naturally, one of the reasons that a man doesn’t reach the point of ejaculation is that his sexual arousal isn’t high enough to trigger his ejaculation. He hasn’t (or doesn’t) reached the point of no return, so using techniques that increase sensory receptiveness and awareness are also a helpful part of any solution. For example, men with delayed ejaculation may find that they have a kind of “sensory defensiveness”.
What this means in practice is that particular sensory input either doesn’t register in the normal way, because it’s repressed, or it produces a high level of anxiety, sometimes, in fact, overwhelming anxiety.
Such anxiety can be produced by many different aspects of intimate relationships: for example, open-mouthed kissing, or the sensation or smell of the vagina may produce a great deal of uncomfortable feelings or anxiety. And sometimes these can even produce aversion, which will actually inhibit the development of normal sexual arousal.
One way of dealing with this within a behavioral treatment approach is to use some kind of non-demand approach: this means exploring the problematic stimulus in a way that increases the man’s tolerance of this particular type of sensory stimulation.
For example, if a man’s inhibited and slow sexual responses have something to do with the sensation of vaginal wetness, then using lubrication on the body, rubbing sexual organs, and exploring stimulation in the shower together may be helpful.
Video: Sensate focus – HOW TO REDUCE ANXIETY AND INCREASE DESIRE!
Idiosyncratic masturbation & therapeutic resistance
In the case of idiosyncratic masturbation, sexual therapy would generally encourage a man with delayed ejaculation to use different positions and intensities of self stimulation, or to use different fantasies or visualizations whilst masturbating.
The aim here is to break the set established patterns that have played out over such a long time. And increased flexibility of approach to masturbation will help a man to develop further patterns of stimulation and responsivity during sex with a partner.
Resistance to therapy for ejaculation delay, particularly in situations where a man claims that he wants to “cure” the problem, is indicative of a difficulty, either psychological or behavioral, that could get in the way of effective treatment. These issues are explained in this book on self help treatment for delayed ejaculation. Sadly, men who experience resistance may gradually become aware that they do not, in fact, like their sexual partner.
Delayed Ejaculation and Subconscious Resistance
Delayed ejaculation can be a method of expressing some kind of resistance to imtimacy. It’s a way that a man can express what he’s really feeling, without him having to be consciously aware of what he’s feeling. And another possibility is that exploring this resistance consciously can offer men and their partners and insight into why sex between them is an arousing or unappealing. (Shadow work is one of the tools that can be helpful in this regard.)
It may be, for example, that a man who is slow to ejaculate has a belief system that he is sexually inadequate, and his performance in bed is inadequate satisfy his partner. It may be that he is being over-attentive to his partner’s needs, and paying no attention to his own sexual needs: perhaps the man believes that sex and aggression don’t mix, or that he needs to pay great attention to his partner.
It’s also possible that a man can simply be “trying too hard”, and not feeling any pleasure, because he feels a very high level of demand on him during lovemaking. That can be why his ejaculation is delayed.
Generally, with effective therapy, a man can come to see that these messages are simply picked up from other people within the family, or from some other aspect of the individual psychological history.
Masturbation as therapy for delayed ejaculation in men
And what if the man doesn’t currently have a sexual partner? How can therapy proceed? The answer seems to be that a therapist could recommend that a man uses masturbation with a vibrator, seeks out further sexual information and understanding, and explores his history in a way that might shed light on why he is having difficulty reaching orgasm.
Since a few men have difficulty reaching orgasm during masturbation, this particular form of delayed ejaculation can be approached without a partner, by exploring flexibility in masturbation techniques.
Furthermore, focusing on increasing one’s sexual arousal without looking to the goal of reaching orgasm can allow a man to experience a different approach to climax. This puts the emphasis on pleasure rather than sexual performance. This can often help with delayed ejaculation, and it certainly avoid “spectatoring“.