Get Over Delayed Ejaculation With Your Partner’s help
It’s necessary for your partner to be relaxed about sex and free of sexual inhibitions before you begin the exercises described below.
The exercises to which this text refers are all explained in a book by Rod Phillips: How To Overcome Delayed Ejaculation At Home In Privacy, which allows you to find the full text by buying the book on Amazon. This should allow you to avoid the cost of professional sex therapist in your search for a cure for your problem around delayed ejaculation.
Sadly, some women tend to blame the man they are with for sexual problems that actually have something to do with themselves. Often, it may be easier for a woman to blame the man for sexual problems in their relationship than to face up to the fact that she has some deep issue around sex, perhaps because of earlier sexual abuse or sexual conflict about men, that needs to be resolved.
Two pointers which may suggest a woman needs to do some work on her own sexual issues are (1) a lack of ease and acceptance of her body, and (2) the ease or difficulty with which she can reach orgasm with a partner, whether through sex or masturbation. If orgasm is hard for her, then it could be that she may be too shy, inhibited or unresponsive sexually to be really helpful in the exercises designed to resolve her man’s sexual problems.
At the very least, the couple need to be aware of any behavior which might reflect the woman’s ambivalence or inhibitions about sex. This might include avoiding the exercises designed to overcome delayed ejaculation because “I’m too tired” or “I don’t feel like it.”
Two other important indicators for you, as a man, are whether she likes to play with your penis and balls, and whether she is relaxed about touching your body. Ease and relaxation, and pleasure, in both these areas, are needed for her to be effective in helping you overcome your own difficulty with ejaculation.
Something else to keep in mind is that if a woman doesn’t get some reward out of helping her partner overcome his delayed ejaculation then she may not be very motivated to help. And there is no better motivation than a good orgasm….!
Furthermore, it’s important to you, the man, that the woman you’re with has strong motivation to take part in your sex life and your sex therapy with enthusiasm and interest. So if she isn’t orgasmic, maybe that’s where you both need to start working?
Other factors that are important in achieving success in this kind of sexual self-help therapy include the following:
- You both have a good feeling about the relationship, and you’re committed to each other’s emotional and sexual well-being.
- You don’t judge each other negatively for any reason around sex.
- The woman can put her sexual needs to one side while the couple look at the man’s issues. For example, she needs to be willing to help her man solve his problems even if that means she doesn’t have an orgasm that day. Equally, she needs to be willing to do the exercises with you even if she finds them boring or doesn’t feel like it.
- You, the man, need to genuinely want to solve the problem. If you don’t care or you’re indifferent to your partner’s sexual pleasure, or you’ve just lost interest in sex and it’s a matter of no concern to you that you can’t ejaculate, well, it’s hardly likely that the self-help system explained below is going to work!
- If you sense that working on your ejaculation problem may bring other issues to light that could result in damage to the relationship, maybe you need to think carefully about what you want to do next.
- You need to feel OK with the fact that starting a self-help treatment program involves admitting that your sexual responses, and perhaps even your penis, don’t work. Admitting that not just to yourself, but to your partner and, if necessary, to a professional therapist.
One challenge is that so many of us men have bought into the belief that when a man has a sexual problem, he is somewhat less of a man than he “should” be.
But the interesting thing is that we tend not see women who cannot reach orgasm or who suffer from vaginismus in the same way. Why is this?
Sexual problems are not unique to men, and they can be just as difficult when the woman in a relationship experiences them.
It’s all to do with the way society sees men and women’s sexual roles in a relationship, and the sooner this changes, the better. The relevant question for a woman who’s caught up in this kind of thinking is this: “Did you get together with your man because of his sexual prowess or for his personal qualities?”
And the next question is: “If it was his personal qualities that attracted you to him, why do you judge him on a sexual basis now?” Just as a woman’s emotional issues are only a part of her, so a man’s sexual problems are only a small part of who he is. But they are a part of him that needs some attention.
Open and honest communication about sex is essential
Men, as we know, are not always open to frank communication about emotions and feelings. Women, as we also know, tend to love this form of communication. The challenge for a man to open up and reveal how he feels is so great that it may never happen unless he actually decides to make it happen.
And that includes how you feel about delayed ejaculation. My advice is to start a discussion with your partner at a prearranged time and decide in advance what you want to say. That way you won’t be stuck for words when an emotional discussion begins to develop, and you stand a better chance of being able to talk to your partner about your fears and doubts without getting side-tracked.
Having said that, emotional communication is not always easy for a man, and it requires tolerance and understanding from your partner to ensure you are able to express your feelings.
If you sense your woman is playing games, taking advantage of you, or putting her own issues forward in precedence to yours, then you must challenge that and bring the conversation back to the points you wish to make: which, I assume, will be something about the way your ejaculation problem makes you feel, your desire to do something about it, and your need for her assistance in doing so.
(But select your time carefully: the times NOT to bring up sensitive subjects are after you’ve had an argument, in bed after you’ve failed to ejaculate, when either of you is busy, distracted or tense, and when either of you is stressed.)
One of the things that may happen if you have an ejaculation problem is that your partner may seek to reassure you that all is well by saying such things as “Don’t worry about it.” “It’s OK, really.”
Remarks like these are actually rather dismissive, and for a man who can’t ejaculate, they can be hurtful and insulting – they don’t show empathy and they don’t convey the feeling that a woman has a real sense of how you are suffering. You need to tell her this, to make her understand that actually, no, it isn’t OK at all.
And you need to do this without anger and without attacking her for her insensitivity.
Equally, if she is emotionally upset, you may need to acknowledge her feelings, to let her express her feelings and her emotional energy around your inability to ejaculate.
It’s helpful to remember that when a woman gets emotional, what she says isn’t necessarily expressing what she’s thinking, it’s expressing what she’s feeling. If you can avoid over-reacting to her emotional responses, that may well help to keep your discussion calm.