Delayed Ejaculation – An Introduction

What Is Delayed Ejaculation?

Delayed ejaculation (DE for short) is the inability to ejaculate normally during sexual intercourse or masturbation.  This can occur in every sexual situation you’re in – in which case it’s called generalized, or it can occur only in certain circumstances or with certain partners – in which case it’s called situational.

Some men masturbate normally, some men will have nocturnal emissions, some men do neither. But there’s one thing that all men who have difficulty ejaculating have in common. Somewhere along the line, somewhere between the thought of sex, and the (non-existent, perhaps) moment of orgasm, something goes wrong with their sexual arousal mechanism.

Perhaps this is an internal thing, so a man is not allowing himself, consciously or unconsciously, to get aroused. Maybe it’s about sexual aversion, or even vaginal aversion. And here’s another interesting idea – some men, perhaps, simply prefer sex with themselves than with others. 

For the moment, it’s simply enough to know there’s a whole spectrum of difficulties. When you’re discovering how to overcome delayed ejaculation, your intention is everything, because you’ve already made a decision that enough is enough, and it’s time to overcome this problem.  

Men with delayed ejaculation take 30 minutes or more to reach orgasm, compared with the average time to ejaculation of about 5 minutes  from intercourse starting. For a woman, having a man thrust for up to 30 minutes without ejaculating can be frustrating. It can make her sore, and lead to boredom, and it’s not very arousing. And on top of all that, a woman may believe she’s unattractive or her man doesn’t love her!

So delayed ejaculation can cause a lot of relationship and sexual difficulties and place an tremendous burden on both men and women. If you feel unhappy about the consequences it’s having on your relationship,  then why not make the decision to overcome it? That way you can actively look forward to sex, stop faking orgasm (it happens!) and build a better or different relationship with your partner.

How Easy Is It To Overcome DE?

Some men find it easy to delay ejaculation, and others don’t. Your motivation, desire, and intention have a lot to do with your success. Can you solve the problem yourself, or will you need help? You can in fact work on it yourself, as you will see if you look at the information about this treatment program (click here to go straight to it) But here is more information that may help you.

The key factor here is control. Or choice. in other words, what people want for themselves.

When a man doesn’t have the ability to control when he ejaculates, he is at the mercy of his body. Whether he comes too fast, or not fast enough, the fact is, if he has no choice in the matter, he has a problem.  Overcoming delayed ejaculation is a lot about having the ability to choose when you ejaculate. And that matters, because a lot of men look for some way to deal with delayed ejaculation only after they’ve really begun to suffer the consequences of it in some way. That might be getting pressure from a partner, or it might be the fact that a man has finally woken up to the fact that he has real issues. Or perhaps he’s just decided that his inability to ejaculate is just not good enough, and he’s now decided he wants to enjoy his biological birthright: sexual pleasure during intercourse. Speeding up ejaculation then becomes a priority.

Before Sex

Now, assuming that a man decides to do something because the consequences of having a reluctant, slow or non-existent ejaculation has somehow become too much, what needs to happen? If the man goes for delayed ejaculation treatment on his own, then his partner’s frustration and lack of understanding about what is going on may mean the problem continues unchanged. And without the support of his partner, treatment might not work. 

And it’s important that delayed ejaculation is sorted out. Any kind of sexual problem can have a massive effect on self-esteem, in particular making a man  feel like he’s a sexual failure. He may feel he doesn’t have much to offer in a relationship. He may start to avoid any kind of intimacy with his partner. So no matter how optimistically and positively a relationship may start out, resentment, anger, and feelings of rejection can often develop as a man’s ejaculation problem becomes more obvious.

For the woman, it’s only natural to begin wondering if she’s really sexually desirable — after all, her man can’t ejaculate inside her during intercourse, which like it or not, is what most women expect during sex.

Low Sex Drive

Men with DE may have a low sex drive. But it’s not clear whether their low sex drive came before or after their difficulties in reaching ejaculation. Certainly low sex drive can be of the consequences of sexual frustration. Now, overcoming a low sex drive is something which needs attention in its own right. Note: if low sex drive is caused by a lack of testosterone, maybe hormonal testing and testosterone supplementation are needed. In fact, with a man’s inability to ejaculate, sex in general can become more frustrating than enjoyable.

Certainly it can be devoid of pleasure for both man and woman alike. This leads to a perception that sex is more about “work” than pleasure. And the woman can sometimes be so angry at her partner that she just loses interest in sex altogether. Only when a couple in this situation agree to do something about it together will changes happen. Strangely enough, some men have other fears behind delayed ejaculation: things as diverse as performance anxiety, fear of rejection, worries about infertility, or just an overwhelming desire to please a partner. And last but by no means least, DE can be caused by some kind of sexual trauma experienced early in life.

Sex Therapy: A Common Treatment To Help Speed Up Ejaculation

Michael A. Perelman, Ph.D., of the N. Y. Weill Cornell Medical Center has written about therapy.

He makes the point that delayed ejaculation is a “diminished ejaculatory disorder” such as varying delays in ejaculatory latency, the complete inability to ejaculate, and changes in the power, volume and sensation of ejaculation. I suppose it’s obvious really that something as powerful as sex will be affected by many different aspects of your personality, including a taboo around sex during your upbringing, or being highly religious or orthodox, or having a compelling sense of shame and guilt around sexual activity.

He also talks about the role of idiosyncratic masturbation in producing a slow or non-existent ejaculation. And, here’s another critical factor: the massive disparity between what goes on in a man’s mind — like fantasizing about porn stars — and what goes on in his real life, the one where he has sex with a flesh and blood partner who doesn’t match up to the porn star.

It’s easy enough to show a man how he can become more aroused during sex by using masturbation techniques, fantasy, improved or increased friction during stimulation, and partner training. A lot of men simply need some help in understanding how sex “works”. By “training” the penis to respond to a gentler style of stimulation, the man’s body can be educated to achieve ejaculation more easily.

At the same time, he can be shown how to achieve higher levels of psychosexual arousal. This would involve the use of fantasy, arousing bodily movements during intercourse or finding his “trigger points”, the erogenous zones that encourage arousal and make orgasm easier. Something else which is helpful is identifying things (e.g. “dirty talk”) which could produce a big enough increase in his arousal for ejaculation to be possible and sex to be satisfying.

And a ma’s partner can help to find ways to increase the pleasure her man experiences, to increase his arousal.  One of the factors not to be overlooked is anger, whether the man is expressing it or not, towards his partner. It’s a very powerful reason to avoid the intimacy of sexual contact. Anger can reduce arousal, produce erectile dysfunction, and inhibit ejaculation.