If you consider how you feel about men and women, and then look at the list of qualities ascribed to the two sexes, you’ll see some things that seem instantly familiar.
For example, Yin energy is thought of as darker, deeper, more mysterious perhaps, and certainly more generative than Yang energy.
Yang is quicker to become aroused, quicker to fire up, less deep and more visible – with men, sexually at least, what you see is what you get. Women of course are slower to arouse, both sexually and emotionally, than men; they also take longer to cool down after they have become aroused. These differences can be attributed to the archetypal energies of the male warrior and the female lover.
But though women take longer to reach orgasm, they reach levels of sexual arousal which may exceed those of a man: and because men are quicker to arouse, quicker to reach orgasm, and much quicker to become less aroused after sex, there needs to be some accommodation, some understanding between the sexes on how these differences in arousal rate are to be accommodated.
Men, for example, need to ensure that they seduce their partners gently and slowly; they need to stroke, to caress, to fondle, to explore their partner’s body non-sexually before turning to her sexual areas; they should take account of a woman’s need for intimacy, for love, for a sense of being cherished and valuable; they should not expect her to be as quickly aroused as they are.
Women, on the other, need to accommodate a man’s desire for rapid arousal, quick relief and almost impersonal sex from time to time – one way they can do this is by enjoying a session of quick sex for the man’s pleasure.
There’s an exercise which can help you understand the essence of Yin and Yang. You can do this with your partner, one person at a time.
Yang Energy
If the man goes first, the woman will give him a Yang massage. In other words, he lies down, making sure that he is warm and comfortable, then she will start with his erect penis, holding it with one hand and with her other making a series of concentric circular movements on his belly, thighs and legs which gradually extend outwards from his penis as the centre of the circles.
She ends the massage with his face, and then brings him to orgasm using her hands, lips and mouth – after which he can do exactly as he wishes, including going to sleep.
Yin Energy
When the man reciprocates for his partner, she lies down and makes herself comfortable, before her partner gives her the equivalent Yin massage.
As you may imagine, this means he starts with her face (remember women are slower to arouse, so rapid attention to the genitals may not be the best way to light her sexual fire).
He keeps this hand in contact with her face at all times, while his other hand traces slow movements of massage over her body in gentle spirals, with her vulva as the focal centre of the movements. As she becomes more aroused he brings her to orgasm, and then fulfils her wishes to be caressed, to go to sleep, or whatever else she wants to happen.
Is the Energy Different?
It’s very interesting to compare sexual energy in men and women. If you can develop a true intimacy with your partner and speak from your heart (your lover energy) about what happened for you during the massage, you may well discover some profound things about each other’s sexual energy and how it grows as you touch and caress.
You may also discover the ways in which you need to adjust your sexual styles so that you are truly compatible in bed and each get full pleasure and satisfaction from being sexual with the other. The art of pleasuring a man is described here. And the art of pleasuring a woman here.
Energy Cycles
Another aspect of the Yin and the Yang is the flow of energy. We all know that a woman’s sexual energy rises and falls as she goes through her monthly sexual cycle; but what of the man’s cycle of sexual energy? That is a question which remains open to interpretation, but the Taoists believed than a man’s cycle was less than a day long…..perhaps this reflected their view of how to explain the fact that men had such a high level of sexual energy so consistently.
Chi
This is the name which the Taoists gave to the energy which was released when a man ejaculated. It’s not semen, nor is it sperm: it’s the vital energy which goes along with his ejaculation. Since orgasm and ejaculation are two separate things, the release of a man’s Chi does not necessarily have to happen when a couple engage in sexual intercourse. Read about the art of pleasuring a man here.
In fact a man may get great pleasure from multiple orgasms without ejaculation, in which case his Chi is preserved and his energy remains high – this will contribute to his good health. It’s different for a woman, who, according to the Taoist philosophy, gains energy every time she reaches orgasm.