Dealing With Ejaculation Problems

Delayed Ejaculation and Erectile Dysfunction

There are two kinds of erectile dysfunction: full erectile dysfunction and partial erectile dysfunction. Full erectile dysfunction is when the man cannot get any sign of erection at all (also known as impotence.) Partial erectile dysfunction is when the man can get a strong erection during sex-play, but loses it as he tries to penetrate his partner. 

As for delayed ejaculation, in about 90% of men, it is caused by a psychological issue of some kind. The other 10% of the cases are due to physical problems. You can read about the causes of delayed ejaculation here.

Sometimes the psychological issues in these sexual dysfunctions are the result of the same kind of psychological or emotional issues which result in premature ejaculation. For example: anxiety of one kind or another, feelings of acute sexual inadequacy, feelings of resentment towards the partner, or suppressed anger. 

Men on the threshold of middle age represent most cases. This is because as a man grows older, not only does his sex drive lose some of its strength and frequency, but his ability to achieve and sustain a strong erection is weakened slightly.

It is when he notices this deterioration that he begins to fear he is going to fail to get an erection and, sure enough, his fear makes him fail; or he fails to get an erection on one occasion, panics, fears that he may be impotent next time, and then he is.

Causes of erectile dysfunction – video.

The point about this kind of fear-induced impotence is that the cause for the first failure may be very easily corrected. Before going on to consider psychologically induced sexual problems like delayed ejaculation, let us look at the question of a psychological origin for sexual problems.

Physical Erectile Dysfunction

This may be caused by diseases such as diabetes or hyperlipidemia, or accidental injury to the spinal column, which can cause erectile dysfunction by preventing the nerves which produce erection from receiving or sending nervous impulses.

Here is how that happens: erection is brought about initially by nerve centers in the brain. The messages from the brain to the penis travel down the spinal column to the erection centre in the spine, which is a kind of junction box located about four or five inches above the base of the spinal column.

From the erection centre nervous impulses travel along the sexual nervous system to the erectile tissue of the penis. When these messages are received, the erectile tissue, which is a sponge-like material, fills with blood, which enters the tissue at a faster rate than it leaves it, and the penis becomes stiff and erect.

Any damage to the nerves along this very extensive route will result in the messages not reaching the erectile tissue, and the penis will remain soft and limp.

All sorts of disturbances can afflict this important nervous system including diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and so on.

One of the main psychological causes of erectile dysfunction is exhaustion, which may affect the central nervous system and its associated systems. Exhaustion is less frequently found in young men, but is very common among middle-aged and older men.

Delayed Ejaculation

In the 1970’s, sexologists Masters and Johnson listed six main categories of causes of the impairment of sexual function in older men, and this list of causes of delayed ejaculation & erectile dysfunction is still probably valid today:

  • boredom with sexual partner
  • preoccupation with career or making money
  • mental or physical fatigue
  • overeating and/or overdrinking of alcohol
  • physical and mental health issues either of the man himself or his partner
  • fear of failure of sexual performance, perhaps associated with or resulting from any of the other five categories…

Boredom with the sexual partner is one of the most common causes of male erectile dysfunction, and one which need never happen. By contrast, lack of arousal is the main case of delayed ejaculation. If a couple’s sex life is varied and interesting from the word go, it will remain that way for as long as the relationship lasts.

Delayed ejaculation – video

However, it is unfortunate that a man tends to experience the mid-life crisis just as his sex drive is beginning to taper off a little. Sometimes this is because of a drive in business or career. Try to shut business out of your mind the moment he crosses the threshold of his front door, and make sex one of your chief alternatives to business. (You may be surprised how the mental and physical relaxation that inevitably flows from a good session of lovemaking, will equip you better for dealing with business.)

The point is: when aroused you will be much less likely to experience erectile dysfunction or delayed ejaculation (a good book on that subject can be found here).

Many men give up sex because of other preoccupations, yet by overdrinking and/or overeating one makes absolutely certain of undermining one’s sexual powers and requiring erectile dysfunction treatment even more.

The man who consumes too much alcohol and overeats needs to start his sexual rehabilitation by getting his diet and alcohol under control and then restarting his sexual activity. One useful technique is for a man to just lie there and let his partner have  have her way with him. This way he does not add to his mental or physical tiredness and he may experience intense orgasms which make him so relaxed that the tiredness will quickly vanish, especially if he can sleep afterwards.

When all is said and done, it is fear of sexual failure that creates more erectile dysfunction and impotence than anything else.

Erectile Dysfunction:
Complete and Partial Loss of Erection 

Quite large numbers of drugs affect the sex drive and cause temporary erectile dysfunction. This is particularly true of antibiotics and other anti-depressant drugs.

Unless a man realizes that it is the drugs causing the impotence, the first time his penis refuses to become erect he is likely to panic, fearing the worst – that he will never be potent again. Unless he tells himself that the erectile dysfunction will only last while he is using these drugs, and that when he has stopped using them all will be well again, he will, by his fear, make himself impotent.

Every man experiences erectile dysfunction at one time or another. The cause may be one of many – a very heavy bout of smoking or drinking, or a temporary dysfunction which affects the testicles so that they are unable to produce sufficient quantities of the hormone testosterone.

The man who can shrug off one failure, or even two, is in no danger of becoming permanently impotent; on the other hand, the man who is struck by fear of becoming permanently impotent on account of one failure is likely to experience more persistent erectile dysfunction.

The usually virile man who suddenly finds himself impotent can say something like this to his partner, “Sorry, it’s not going to work this time. It will be all right next time!” and should finish this up by pleasuring his partner manually or orally.

Afterwards he should think over what he has been doing lately and try to determine a possible cause from among those listed. If he is not able to find one, he should still not worry about his failure but maybe seek medical advice.

Now and again, deficiency of testosterone is the cause of the erectile dysfunction. Unfortunately, some doctors are not very keen on administering testosterone injections; there is a quite false belief that testosterone promotes prostate cancer. But if the man is prepared to visit his doctor every ten days or so, the treatment is very effective.  Alternatively, patches or oral medication may require only an occasional visit to the doctor.

Masters and Johnson devised a course of treatment which is not dissimilar to the one they devised for premature ejaculation.

Sensate Focus

Sensate Focus relies upon the co-operation of a sympathetic and understanding partner. The couple are required to to overcome any inhibitions they might have in their sexual encounters, and the man is taught full muscle relaxation. The partner is taught how to stimulate the man’s penis in a ‘non-demanding’ way.

When this has produced an erection which can be sustained for some minutes, ‘non-demanding’ penetration takes place; that is to say, the penis is put into the vagina but it is perfectly understood by both partners that the man will not be expected to ejaculate.

The man lies on his back and the woman faces him; kneeling, bending forward at an angle of 45 degrees, she inserts the penis and slides back on it, rather than sits on it. When this has been successfully accomplished at three or four consecutive sessions only then does the woman make pelvic movements.

This happens on a further one or two sessions, and then the man also makes pelvic movements. Full details can be found in Helen Kaplan Singer’s book, “The Illustrated Manual of Sex Therapy.”

The main need for restoring erection is to make possible the insertion of the penis in the vagina. For the great majority of couples this is a deep psychological need. It is also a fact that many impotent men can be stimulated to orgasm and ejaculation while the penis is limp.

If, therefore, some means can be found of getting the limp penis into the vagina, the couple’s problem is practically solved. The best way is to use a vacuum pump and erectile constriction ring, which initiates an erection by sucking blood into the penis then maintains it with a rubber ring placed around the base of the erect penis.