Male Sexual Problems

Video on Delayed Ejaculation

How to overcome delayed ejaculation

Most men will be able to relate from their own experience the fact that it’s possible to have an erection without being particularly turned on – the morning erection which men know very well indeed a clear example of this.

Regardless, most men with delayed ejaculation are in a state of some distress about it, because they can’t give satisfaction to a woman, and they can’t achieve the pleasure of orgasm during intercourse.

Needless to say if a couple wish to have children it’s an even bigger problem, because fertility is reduced, or rather, the possibility of fertilization is diminished significantly.

So the question is: what to do about it? Well, start by reading more about delayed ejaculation here. If you would like to explore the possibility of treatment at home, that takes you to a website which offers a factual and realistic treatment program for use at home.

Traditionally, harsh techniques of bringing the man to the point of orgasm by fierce masturbation and then at the last moment before he ejaculates inserting his penis into the partner’s vagina have been regarded as facilitating easier ejaculation in the future. There is something of the warrior  wound about delayed ejaculation. It’s reminiscent of not having firm boundaries with the sexual partner, so that both emotional and sexual issues somehow get muddled up between the two psyches of the people concerned. 

But if it’s true that men with delayed suffer from low levels of sexual arousal, then this is clearly a futile and rather foolish treatment strategy.

Instead, internal work which aims to increase the level of a man’s sexual arousal so that he is then  sufficiently aroused to make love to his partner normally might be a better strategy.

This would involve, for example, working on man’s internal erotic world and allowing him to find ways to develop greater sexual arousal through perhaps sensitization of his body to sexual stimuli, disconnection of fantasy and sexual experience, and the removal of emotional or psychological blocks that may be impeding his experience of sexual arousal. Such exploration is the preserve of the magician or transformer archetype.

Traditionally this work would have been done by a sex therapist in combination with a man and his partner, although very, very few men with delayed ejaculation seek help for it, which suggests that there is a shameful and embarrassing aspect to the problem.

Instead, it may be better to find a treatment program which can be used at home so that men are enabled to achieve a high level of sexual arousal in the early stages of intercourse, and thereby reach the point of no return and ejaculate in a more normal timescale. It may be even better to ensure men have easy psychological access to the King archetype within their psyche.

If you are man with delayed ejaculation, it’s probably useful to you to know that this timescale would generally be between three and nine minutes of intercourse.

However, having said that, what satisfies each couple will be different, and it’s important that the definition of delayed ejaculation does not overlook the fact that some couples might delight in long-lasting intercourse, while for others it can be a real nuisance.

Erectile Difficulty

The term “erectile difficulty” has rather taken over from the older word “impotence” for the reason that impotence suggests unconditional failure rather that failure upon occasion. “Erectile problems,” “erectile dysfunction” and “erection problems” are alternatives.

Two kinds of erectile difficulty have been identified. A man who has never been able to achieve an erection for intercourse suffers from primary difficulty.

 A man who has a history of successful erection for intercourse but during a particular period cannot achieve an erection has secondary difficulty.

Secondary difficulty is much more common and can be treated more successfully. This is a defect in the lover archetype, where the emotional wound is holding a belief that “I am not lovable” or “there is something wrong with the way I love.”

Many men experience single instances of erectile failure at some time or another. Fatigue, anxiety, poor health, medication or alcohol may all be responsible.

Erectile difficulty should not be considered a significant problem unless it occurs consistently or long enough to cause real stress to the couple or to the man himself. Erection is an automatic process, a reflex, and therefore not under the man’s control.

When a man suffers from erectile difficulty, the extra blood that should flow into the penis and engorge it fails to do so, even though the man is excited and stimulated. The causes of erectile difficulty can be physical, psychological or both.

These are some of the more common causes of erectile dysfunction:

Factors causing erectile dysfunction

  • injury to the spinal cord
  • diseases such as diabetes and multiple sclerosis
  • effects of drugs like alcohol, heroin and some prescribed drugs
  • surgery, such as a prostate cancer operation
  • insufficient male hormone
  • fear of isolation
  • anger with a partner or other relationship problems causing conflict
  • religious belief that sex is sinful, evil, dirty
  • fear of pregnancy
  • boredom with sex
  • anxiety about sexual experiences
  • sexual guilt or conflict

In the late 1970s, it was believed that a very small percentage of erection issues could be attributed to physical factors.

However, many more men have physical ED than previously thought, and although psychological factors remain as the likelier causes of impotence, the full extent of possible physical causes needs to be investigated.

In dealing with erectile dysfunction, Masters and Johnson’s approach has been elaborated on by others.

The couple in therapeutic exercises aim to reduce the fear of failure, to direct and encourage the development of effective couple communication, so partners may have full expression.

Much depends on the willingness of the couple to be open to the therapy, and discussion of relationship issues. that must be worked through.

Sometimes it takes a while before a man will face up to accumulated frustration but in the end it may make a man go to a therapist when the simple fact he can’t get erect is not sufficient to make him do so.

The American National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior was conducted over several years by the School of health, physical education, and recreation at Indiana University.

You can download the full document here

But there are many interesting conclusions that we can look at without reading the whole document.

This study is very important in assessing human sexual behavior, because it involved almost 6,000 adolescents and adults between the ages of 14 to 94, and investigated their involvement in over 40 different sexual acts, their use of condoms, and the number of people who enjoy same sex encounters.

To start with, an interesting conclusion is that condom use only protects 1 in 4 acts of vaginal intercourse (although that’s among couples who know each other, among singles, it’s only 1 in 3). This seems low, and one recommendation that came out of the study was that the use of condoms should be promoted as sexual health priority.

One of the main conclusions the fact that there is enormous variability in sexual behavior of adults in the United States, and so by extrapolation anywhere else in the Western world.

Of course vaginal intercourse is still the most common sexual behavior, but there are many other varieties of sexual interaction enjoyed by people including masturbation with partners, and oral sex.

Something that’s going to be of great interest to the moralists is the investigation of adolescent sexual behavior. It turns out the adolescents are much less sexually active than we are led to believe by the doom and gloom merchants in the media.

Main Findings

To start with, as previously mentioned, sexual behavior of US adults is very variable. The survey found more than 40 combinations of sexual activity in couples’ most recent sexual interactions.

  • Older adults enjoy pleasurable and satisfying sex lives. Those over the age of 40 have the lowest use of condoms.
  • 85% of men said their partner had an orgasm at their most recent sexual interaction – unfortunately, only 64% of women report having an orgasm at that event. This difference, interestingly enough, suggest that either women are faking it, or men are not particularly concerned with their partners really have had an orgasm or not.
  • Unsurprisingly, men are most likely to orgasm when sex culminates in vaginal intercourse. Of course as you might expect, women orgasm most frequently when they experience a variety of sex acts including oral pleasuring. (This is probably because the sexual experience takes longer, and they can get aroused more.)
  • As many as 7% of women and 8% of men say they are gay, lesbian or bisexual. But overall, far more people than this have had same-sex interactions in their lives.
  • At any one point in time, the majority of US adolescents are not in partnered sexual relationships.
  • 40% of 17-year-old boys say that they’ve had vaginal intercourse in the past year.
  • And here’s another surprising and interesting fact: when adults use a condom during sexual intercourse, they report the experience just as positively in terms of pleasure and orgasm as they do when not using a condom. Considering that one of the common excuses menus for avoiding condom use among men is that it reduces their pleasure, women need to be well informed about this particular aspect of sexual interaction.