Delayed Ejaculation Treatment methods


A suitable case for delayed ejaculation treatment?

In every case, there needs to be exploration of the possible biological, psychological, and genetic reasons why a man might be experiencing difficulty in reaching orgasm in a timely way during intercourse. If part of the problem is that a man is in getting too little stimulation during lovemaking, then it’s possible to use additional “artificial” stimulation of his sensory and erogenous zones to increase his arousal.

This might include nipple stimulation, anal stimulation, or the use of a vibrator, which might be applied on the perineum, the base of the penile shaft, or other sensitive areas. Some men find these approaches to be very helpful in speeding up their “arrival” at orgasm. 

Video – overcoming delayed ejaculation

Other problems with delayed ejaculation

Furthermore, any medication which might be interfering with the man’s sexual responses should be stopped, or an alternative prescription found. Many prescriptions medications can delay ejaculation.

One of the interesting aspects about treating this condition is that obviously by the time a man and his partner come for treatment, he may be extremely frustrated with his own progress, and this impatience can sometimes act against the successful outcome of delayed ejaculation treatment.

If this applies to you, it’s important to realize that the benefits you might get in the longer term will far outweigh the inconvenience now (in the sense that you think you’re “doing nothing” during treatment that goes slowly or takes a long time).

And because anxiety and obsessive-compulsive characteristics are major aspects of delayed ejaculation, either in the sense that they can create the problem, or they can compound it, then clearly using any kind of technique that reduces anxiety will be a significant part of therapy for the delayed nature of  ejaculation. In essence these are cognitive-behavioral techniques.

Behavior Therapy For Delayed Ejaculation

Therapists often start with mindfulness and breathing techniques which will increase a sense of self-awareness and induce progressive relaxation.

Naturally, one of the reasons that a man doesn’t reach the point of ejaculation is that his sexual arousal isn’t high enough to trigger his ejaculation. He hasn’t (or doesn’t) reached the point of no return, so using techniques that increase sensory receptiveness and awareness are also a helpful part of any solution. For example, men with delayed ejaculation may find that they have a kind of “sensory defensiveness”.

What this means in practice is that particular sensory input either doesn’t register in the normal way, because it’s repressed, or it produces a high level of anxiety, sometimes, in fact, overwhelming anxiety.

Such anxiety can be produced by many different aspects of intimate relationships: for example, open-mouthed kissing, or the sensation or smell of the vagina may produce a great deal of uncomfortable feelings or anxiety. And sometimes these can even produce aversion, which will actually inhibit the development of normal sexual arousal.

One way of dealing with this within a behavioral treatment approach is to use some kind of non-demand approach: this means exploring the problematic stimulus in a way that increases the man’s tolerance of this particular type of sensory stimulation.

For example, if a man’s inhibited and slow sexual responses have something to do with the sensation of vaginal wetness, then using lubrication on the body, rubbing sexual organs, and exploring stimulation in the shower together may be helpful.


Idiosyncratic masturbation & therapeutic resistance

In the case of idiosyncratic masturbation, sexual therapy would generally encourage a man with delayed ejaculation to use different positions and intensities of self stimulation, or to use different fantasies or visualizations whilst masturbating.

The aim here is to break the set established patterns that have played out over such a long time. And increased flexibility of approach to masturbation will help a man to develop further patterns of stimulation and responsivity during sex with a partner.

Resistance to therapy for ejaculation delay, particularly in situations where a man claims that he wants to “cure” the problem, is indicative of a difficulty, either psychological or behavioral, that could get in the way of effective treatment. These issues are explained in this book on self help treatment for delayed ejaculationSadly, men who experience resistance may gradually become aware that they do not, in fact, like their sexual partner.

Delayed Ejaculation and Subconscious Resistance

Delayed ejaculation can be a method of expressing some kind of resistance to imtimacy. It’s a way that a man can express what he’s really feeling, without him having to be consciously aware of what he’s feeling. And another possibility is that exploring this resistance consciously can offer men and their partners and insight into why sex between them is an arousing or unappealing. (Shadow work is one of the tools that can be helpful in this regard.)

It may be, for example, that a man who is slow to ejaculate has a belief system that he is sexually inadequate, and his performance in bed is inadequate satisfy his partner. It may be that he is being over-attentive to his partner’s needs, and paying no attention to his own sexual needs: perhaps the man believes that sex and aggression don’t mix, or that he needs to pay great attention to his partner.

It’s also possible that a man can simply be “trying too hard”, and not feeling any pleasure, because he feels a very high level of demand on him during lovemaking. That can be why his ejaculation is delayed.

Generally, with effective therapy, a man can come to see that these messages are simply picked up from other people within the family, or from some other aspect of the individual psychological history.

Masturbation as therapy for delayed ejaculation in men

And what if the man doesn’t currently have a sexual partner? How can therapy proceed? The answer seems to be that a therapist could recommend that a man uses masturbation with a vibrator, seeks out further sexual information and understanding, and explores his history in a way that might shed light on why he is having difficulty reaching orgasm.

Since a few men have difficulty reaching orgasm during masturbation, this particular form of delayed ejaculation can be approached without a partner, by exploring flexibility in masturbation techniques.

Furthermore, focusing on increasing one’s sexual arousal without looking to the goal of reaching orgasm can allow a man to experience a different approach to climax. This puts the emphasis on pleasure rather than sexual performance. This can often help with delayed ejaculation, and it certainly avoid “spectatoring“.

Qualities of men and sexual power

Qualities of men and sexual power

Finding a mate – whether it’s just for a day, a night, a week, or a lifetime – is one of the perennial occupations of men.

The strange thing is that it’s just as important for women – but they are socially programmed to appear as though it’s less important. So, in general, even in this era of supposed equality, we men still have to do most of the work in setting up relationships.

And if you’ve never learnt the skills that are needed to be confident sexually and socially, then you’re going to have a challenge getting sex.

It’s not a shameful thing: in fact, I think it’s sad and unfair that women can sit back and do the sexual selection while men risk rejection, humiliation and struggle with getting sex.

Because, make no mistake about it, while men attempt to get laid or get relationships, women control the development of relationships, and they certainly control the sex.

I’ve heard it said that men have to court women: however, what actually happens in a courtship is that men give women an opportunity to select them as a mate or sexual partner.

Video – how to make a woman fall in love with you

In fact, sex is one of the few areas in modern society where women have real power.

But, you may say, even if all that is true, what does it have to do with getting a long term relationship? This is something men want just as much as women, though I suspect men want sex more within a relationship than women. I’m still undecided on that last point, though, for reasons that will become clear shortly.

Well, suppose that there was a way in which you could make things more equal? A way in which you could actually gain the upper hand in the dating game?

A way in which you could learn how to seduce women so that they will become deeply attracted to you and want to have sex with you – just hours after they have met you?

The good news, as you may have guessed by now, is that there is such a way. Successful seduction comes from understanding the deeper ways in which we humans – and women in particular – are biologically programmed to interact.

If you know these deeper patterns of interaction, you can use them to improve your chances of getting sex out of all recognition. And the even better news is that these patterns are easy to learn, and they work, over and over again, on all women.

The pick up artist community revisited

If you want to read a full account of one man’s experience from start to finish as he learned these techniques, turning himself en route from a not-very-good-looking bespectacled uber-nerd into a refined, stylish, sexually desirable Casanova with multiple long term relationships running at the same time, then you need to get hold of Neil Strauss’s book The Game: Undercover In The Secret Society Of Pickup Artists.

It’s a truly amazing book, partly because of the story of the two years Strauss spent picking up and bedding women every night, running several long term relationships at once, and having dozens of women from whom to choose to go to bed with.

They all knew all about the other women in his life – and partly because of the explanation of how he did it.

For those of you who don’t already know, there has been a large “Speed Seduction Movement” in existence for years. This is a number of groups of men who have devoted themselves to discovering and sharing the tools and techniques that get results with women.

These tools include pick-up lines that appeal to a woman’s deeper nature, tricks and games that enthuse her and make her admire your social skills, and routines that overcome her resistance to sex.

These are some amazingly simple ways of interacting that get her to fall in love with you in a few minutes – or at least to feel as though she has, and – most important of all, perhaps, for the man who isn’t getting enough sex – words, gestures, and ways of touching and talking that get a woman highly aroused.

Strauss immersed himself in this speed seduction community for two years, meeting all the gurus and hundreds of students, learning all there was to learn, until he became recognized as the world’s most successful pick-up artist.

Another Approach To Relationship

However, there is another approach different from this manipulative approach to dating. It is possible to learn more about human psychology in an honest and truthful way rather than learning how to manipulate vulnerable women. In the end, mutual attraction comes down to having compatible and complementary energies. These very human human energies are held in what we term archetypal parts of the personality. If your archetypal energies are complementary to another person’s, you will get on. If they are not, you won’t. In the end it really is as simple as that. You can read much more about this concept, and learn how to apply it to your own relationship, here for UK readers, and here if you wish to get the USA version.

But back to Neil Strauss. As Strauss makes clear in his book, with stories of hopeless losers who learned how to put themselves about and get the women they wanted, any man can do this, provided he’s motivated to do it. And since we want sex so much….who wouldn’t be? Well, first and foremost those men who already have the social and sexual skills to be successful with women. Second, those who are in long-term relationships which they are happy with.

On the other hand, these techniques are so easy to learn that seduction experts offer seminars, workshops and Ebooks explaining the techniques.

And they claim any man can transform himself to be successful with women.  Now, I hear women shouting “manipulation” at this point. But just think about this for a moment. We’re all free agents, and we have a choice of what we do in any given situation. Women can choose who they get together with in normal dating and they have a choice of whether or not they respond to speed seduction techniques.

They’re not robots who can be manipulated to ignore their own wishes and desires. Rather, speed seduction techniques put men and women in a position of equality, so that men know what to do to activate a woman’s sexual circuits. And a woman responds to this from a place in herself far deeper than her social programming.

This is all that happens in normal dating anyway. Most women seem to make up their mind up about whether or not they are willing to have sex with a guy within a few minutes after meeting him.

After that it’s up to a man to make that his reality by impressing her sufficiently with his manly archetypes. After he’s done this, she can release her sexual energy, which some experts claim is just as intense – or more so – that a man’s. It just needs the right cues to turn it on, whereas a man’s is present more or less all the time.

The point is that speed seduction can make a sexual success of a guy who lacks confidence and knowledge of how to approach women. That much is certainly true – and you only have to read Strauss’s book to see that.

In the course of his book, Strauss describes how he set up a house which was designed to be an environment for men who wanted to make the most of themselves in every way – sexually, socially, personally.

Unfortunately, due to what seems to be the poor selection of some of the housemates, the project became stricken with rivalries, petty jealousies and a loss of the vision of the original objectives.

For one of the other things that becomes clear when you read the book is that sexual skills alone are not enough to make a man into a real man. We need all the other qualities described elsewhere on this website – maturity, compassion, depth, integrity and strength, to name but a few – to turn a short sexual relationship into a successful long-term relationship. These are the qualities of a King archetype, in control of the Warrior within.

And many of the Johnny-come-lately upstarts in the speed seduction community are shallow individuals who have no understanding of this fact, though it’s highly amusing to read about their antics in the book.

However, having said that, this is all useful stuff if you’re a man who has little or no experience with women, or a man who wants to improve his chances with women. Normally, sexual experience and maturity should develop around a man’s late teens or early twenties. If you missed out on this, speed seduction techniques could be very useful to you.

Better Loving: Which Archetype Will You Use Today?

Tantric Sex

The ancient Tantric texts made the point that both men and women could exchange energy during sex – and that this energy would nurture both partners. You may think this is a strange idea – after all, isn’t sex just about physical pleasure? No, it’s also about spiritual connection, and about the ability to exchange energy in more than one way (i.e. not just through the union of penis in vagina and the energy of ejaculation).

Can we prove the reality of this sexual experience? The answer is yes – you can manipulate your chi or Kundalini energy so that it flows into and through your own body and that of your partner during sex. And here’s how….

The tongue is a vital part of the mechanism or keeping energy flowing through the body. Some of the earlier exercises describe this. If you place your tongue against the roof of your mouth, it will complete the circuit so that energy flows through you in a loop: for men, around the body, up the back and down the front of the body. For women, up the belly and down the back.

At the union point of penis in vagina the energy will flow through you into the other’s body. If the man visualizes the energy flow out of his penis and into his partner’s vagina – for example, imagine a glowing bolt of blue energy leaving the head of your penis and flowing into your partner’s vagina – you can experience the exchange of energy directly. But there are other ways of exchanging energy, which involve the tongue.

You can really experience energy exchange when kissing. To be a good kisser is not only a romantic act, but an aid to the psychic process whereby you exchange energy – and you can consciously feel this process.

You’ll want to devote a lot of time to the art of conscious kissing by which we mean putting your whole attention onto the act of kissing, rather as though you were making love but doing it with full awareness and attention. You can nibble, suck, lick, explore each other’s mouths and even lick your lover’s face.

You can suck your lover’s tongue, and as you do so you can imagine energy flow between you both at the level of your mouths. It’s also recommended that you try sucking each other’s fingers – which you will want to make sure are well-washed beforehand – so that you extend your sexual experience in many different ways.

Take this in turns – have your partner suck your thumb then try sucking your partner’s: see how erotic you find it as he or she explores the different areas of your hand between your fingers with their tongue or mouth.

Once you’ve developed a sense of how exciting or arousing you find the exploration of your body and your partner’s body with your mouth and tongue, you can move on to the next stage of the experience – which is to explore your partner’s skin with your tongue.

You can explore the whole of your partner’s body – it’s an intimate experience, and you can get to know the body of your lover very much better, in addition to finding out more about what turns them on.

You can locate the erogenous zones that make sex much more pleasurable for them – these may include elbows, toes, armpits, bottom of the feet, thighs, back, and many other places which at the moment you don’t even know about.

Archetypes and sex

Now all of these seemingly very odd experiences during sex have their rots n some ancient practices. Tantra is very old; the concept of the archetype is even older. Archetypal energies woudl have been recognised by many cultures before ours; we have, perhaps, refined the explanation of archetypes into a modern day language. Here’s a summary (off site link). And here’s a book which can help you understand these energies. It’s a a classic written in the 1990s. This is the modern day version..

Of course, we don’t need an archetypal explanation for everything that happens during sex. Sometimes Tantra alone will enhance our enjoyment and understanding. Accordint to Tnatra, some of the areas which your partner may find it exciting to have licked during sex will already be known to you – nipples, navel, ears, forehead, genitals and so on. And you can achieve more interesting results if you do all this with your full attention on what you are doing, not distractedly.

You can even imagine sexual energy – Lover energy if you prefer –  flowing up from your pelvic region and out through your tongue into your lover’s body. More specifically, if you are a man, imagine it flowing from your anus and your testes, up through your penis and out through your tongue.

If you are a woman, imagine this sexual energy flowing up from your vagina and up through your breast to your tongue, then leaving your tongue and entering your partner’s body.

Make sure you visualize energy flow from your tongue in whatever way seems appropriate – a lightning bolt of energy, or as tiny sparks. You may well find that your partner really does respond as if they have received a jolt of energy.

The ultimate skill here is to bring your lover to orgasm using only your lips and tongue, all the while imagining the energy flowing out from your tongue and lips into their genitals and anywhere else you touch them on the body with your mouth.

You can start the process by kissing passionately but with feeling, using full awareness of your energy flow and visualizing the energy moving between you and your partner in whatever way seems most appropriate. The Lover and King connect in a dramatic and beautiful energy flow as you do this.

When you bring your partner to orgasm, close your eyes and see if you have any awareness of the energy flowing between you. For example, you may particularly feel or perceive the energy moving up your spine or around your chakras – especially your brow chakra.

This is a reflection of Kundalini energy moving up your spine from your genitals. You may also like to pay attention to the tip of your tongue when you bring your partner to orgasm. You may be able to feel an upswelling of energy there. Studying archetypal energy and applying your knowledge can be a great way to boost your sexual pleasure and capacity to relax.

Should you wish to learn more about the archetypes, and how they relate to energy flow, try this website.