An Effective Treatment For Delayed Ejaculation
Presumably you’re here because you have difficulty reaching orgasm and ejaculating during sex, and perhaps even during masturbation.As you may know, this condition is called delayed ejaculation. Happily, getting over this problem is a lot simpler than you think! Here are the facts.
Having trouble ejaculating during sex – or not being able to come at all – is also known as “male orgasmic disorder”: this means exactly the same as “delayed ejaculation”.
One man of 39 years of age told me that he’d never ejaculated during sexual intercourse, no matter how long it went on for. He had struggled for over twenty years of not being able to ejaculate inside a woman, not enjoying sex, and not feeling very satisfied with his sexuality. Worst of all, he felt unable to establish a long term relationship.But happily, there is a solution. This book reveals all.
It’s often said that the resolution of delayed ejaculation is very challenging. But the first place to look for a cure is with the reason why it developed in the first place. This might be harsh masturbation as a teenager, which has conditioned a man’s penis only to respond to intense stimulation. That’s stimulation you simply don’t get during oral sex or intercourse.
Or it might simply be that a man isn’t sufficiently aroused to reach the point of ejaculation when he makes love. This may be because he’s not getting the right kind of sexual stimulation, or enough of it, or because he just doesn’t know his own level of sexual arousal. That’s because delayed ejaculation is often the external symptom of some pretty intense feelings — which might include anger, sexual shame, sexual guilt, resentment or conflict.
But is treatment possible?
In most cases, delayed ejaculation treatment is relatively easy, using a series of exercises which are designed to increase a man’s sexual arousal and give him the impetus that he needs to much more easily reach the point of ejaculation during sexual activity…
What To Do About Delayed Ejaculation
Delayed ejaculation can make you feel less than adequate sexually, and it may have a profound effect on your partner, who may feel that she is inadequate as a woman. This is especially true if she can’t arouse you, and doesn’t feel sexually attractive.
The main reason that men suffer from delayed ejaculation is this: they aren’t aroused enough. This is usually because something stops a man getting aroused enough to ejaculate – no matter that he may have a hard erection and be able to make love for ages. Generally speaking of course the cause of this is emotional and psychological rather than anything else. But what on earth could cause such a problem?
The emotional factors that come into play with delayed ejaculation include fear, anger and hostility, in varying proportions depending on the exact nature of the environment in which a man was raised.( You may like to read this book; it explains all of these symptoms and problems.) Clearly anger and hostility towards your lover are not going to help you get aroused!
In some cases, delayed ejaculation generally resides in disconnection from self; and that hints at some kind of problem during childhood or adolescence which causes a man to feel remote from his own sexuality, and perhaps even not to experience sex in a normal way.
Often, the word “auto sexuality” has been used when men prefer “self” sexual experiences rather than “other” sexual experiences. It is a term used to refer to the fact that many men in this situation seem to find their own sexual satisfaction with themselves. This can come through masturbation, and it may be more attractive than sexual satisfaction gained through a partner. (Read about how a man not feeling attracted to a woman can affect her self-esteem here.)
That’s been labelled a “choice”, but it may be no more a choice than any other dysfunctional behavior pattern. Indeed, it could be the product of some historical (childhood) issue resulting in (adult) sexual ambivalence or aversion at worst.
One of the ways of curing delayed ejaculation is going to psychodynamic therapy to examine “every” issue. You can tease out the detailed aspects of what’s gone wrong in your past. You can find a way of relating more functionally to members of the opposite sex in the present. This is called shadow work, and has become very popular recently. But it takes time, and can be expensive. Read more here about all of that.
Even so, it’s a very good approach to most human sexual problems. You can read this book to get an idea of the theory and practice behind shadow work. Another approach is cognitive behavioural therapy. Other techniques have been used including sensate focus. IYou can use these technques to deal with delayed ejaculation at home without the help of a professional sex therapist or doctor. You can always seek a great sexual relationship with a woman, but start by focusing on your own sexual difficulties before you start working out how to give her pleasure!
Delayed Ejaculation Treatment
One thing about delayed ejaculation is that although doctors and therapistst know in broad terms what causes it, in individual cases there can be a combination of several different factors. However, that said, onf the most common causes of delayed ejaculation is traumatic masturbatory patterns which have desensitized the penis. In other words, it is only by using the most extreme form of masturbatory technique that a man can achieve ejaculation. If this is true, this view supports the desire-deficit model put forward by Bernard Apfelbaum, which suggests that one of the reasons that a man can’t achieve the point of no return and ejaculate normally during intercourse is because his sexual desire is too low. He simply isn’t aroused enough to reach the point of ejaculatory inevitability.
Only by masturbating with a very hard and harsh technique can he come anywhere near the level of stimulation sufficient to cause him to ejaculate. Clearly normal sexual intercourse will provide nothing like this level of stimulation, which means that a man is limited in how he can achieve sexual release.
Bernard Apfelbaum referred to this as autosexuality — meaning that a man can only achieve sexual orgasm and ejaculation only by solo masturbation with no partner present. This is branded a defective pattern of sexual arousal, or perhaps more accurately a a deficiency in sexual arousal. Helen Singer Kaplan formed a different view.
This interpretation suggests that the man find his own erotic touch more arousing than anything else.
However by reframing this masturbatory syndrome one can see it as a situation where the man has actually got to masturbate in this way to achieve the level of stimulation necessary. In this way, you can see that autoerotic patterns of masturbation which may seem abnormal can be in fact an adaptive response to a lack of arousal and excitement.
Now having said all this, it is true that many men with delayed ejaculation also display other typical symptoms of emotional dysfunction such as paraphilia, obsessive-compulsive behaviour, or excessive anxiety. This may not be empirical evidence that there’s a connection between emotional disturbance and rdelayed ejaculation, but it’s suggestive of one.
Video – delayed ejaculation
In fact, any sexual dysfunction is likely to be the product of both physical and emotional factors working in combination, whether this is harsh masturbation or a deficiency in sexual technique. Treatment approaches often involve both physical and emotional therapy of some kind.
Therapy for a lack of sexual desire would included a series of graded stimulation exercises and also sexual interaction with a sexual partner. This is designed to provide a man with knowledge of those things that can trigger his orgasm more rapidly by increasing his level of sexual arousal.
The emotional therapy indicated in such cases might include an exploration of the deeper subconscious issues which may be inhibiting ejaculation. This allows the man to explore the thoughts and feelings that are held in his subconscious. These will inevitably affect his sexual behaviour with a partner.